And then gave names to half the country. There's a Harlingen. Brooklyn? Breukelen! Harlem we have with an extra A. There's a town called Nederland for crying out loud.
And no Evilfury, they didn't fly there.
The Noodle Compound V. 2.0
- Thread starter Gorny1
- Start date
And no Evilfury, they didn't fly there.
They Bought it, Cheap.
The Sale of Manhattan
Narrator: As the white man’s foothold increases, the red man’s land diminishes. Seldom has history recorded such a phenomenal land transaction as that which took place on a little island in the Hudson River in 1626. There a voice cries out in the wilderness, and a city is born….
Dark Cloud: (in Broad NYC Accent - "All in the Family" Edith Bunker) Too many moons we live here, White Cloud. Time to unload this crummy island.
White Cloud: ( Traditional Male Native voice "Lone Ranger" Tonto) Hmm.
Dark Cloud: Why we not live in Massachusetts like your brother? He get invited to lunch!
White Cloud: Big deal.
Dark Cloud: This place too hot in summer, too cold in winter. No place for papoose to grow up. No chance for culture.
White Cloud: Well, we could run down to Carnegie Wigwam on Sunday afternoons, hear Flying Birdstein explain the ceremonial dances…
Dark Cloud: You listen to me: sell Manhattan to white man. Get me plenty junk jewelry, alright?
White Cloud: Alright. I list with real estate agent. He find live one, okay?
Dark Cloud: Okay.
(Scene changes to real estate office)
Salesman: Okay, chief, I think I got a live one for you, a Dutchman. When he gets here, let me do all the talking, alright?
White Cloud: Mmmm.
(Knock at the door.)
Salesman: Hey, here he his now. Come in!
Hey, that’s a pretty hard buffalo hide you got here on this teepee-I’d like to bust my knuckles!
Salesman: Just so he doesn’t bust his pockets, eh, chief? Heh, heh, heh!
White Cloud: Mmmm.
Tishman’s my name-Peter Tishman.
Salesman: This here is Chief White Cloud. What can we do for you, sir?
Tishman: Well, I seen your listing in the paper here:
For Sale: Island! Ideal for summer festival. Gorgeous vu (spelled v-u), running water…
Salesman: Oh, whoa---wait a minute. What is that “running water” bit?
White Cloud: That my wife’s brother. He go with island.
Salesman: Oh, yeah.
Tishman: …spacious trees, wall to wall grass, room for pool. What’s pool?
Salesman: Uh, it’s like snooker.
Tishman: Oh.
Salesman: Well, that’s it! Now, if you’re in the market for an island, friend, you couldn’t go wrong, believe me.
Tishman: What’s the asking price?
White Cloud: Ah, you give us…
Salesman: Lemme handle this, will ya, chief? Now a beautiful piece of property like this couldn’t go for a nickel less than 32 dollars worth of junk jewelry.
Tishman: What? 32 dollars for a crummy piece of undeveloped property like this? I’m gonna see you around.
Salesman: Make it $29.50.
Tishman: Go away!
Salesman: Lookit-I don’t like to haggle, Pete. Make it $28 and a quarter.
Tishman: Come on.
Salesman: Wait a minute! (Uh, chief, when I give you the signal, bring on the Indians.) Now look, Pete, baby, can’t you see the possiblilities? Step outside here, look around you. Sure, it’s a barren piece of wasteland now, sure it don’t look like much-but someday, this little footpath is gonna echo with the sound of dancing feet. Why, they’re gonna hang a sign over there, and it’s gonna say Broadway, yeah!
Song: Top Hat, White Feather and Tails
This way, Mr. First Nighter!
Put on your top hat
White feather and tails
Paint up your faces
You reds and you pales
Put on your beaded goods
We're gonna do the woods
Tap-dance up the hills and down the dales
(à la Harry Richman)
Remember thum day
This all will be mirth (yeth thir!)
Right here on Broadway
Corner fifty firth (yeth thir!)
You'll be a vital part
Of all the terribly smart set
In your top hat, white feather, and tails
Dance up to your penthouse
And look at the view
Mix with the show folk
On Park Avenue (yeth thir!)
So gay and so aloof
Name-dropping on the rooftop
Drinking champagne by the pails...
In your top hat, white feather, and tails!
White feather and tails
Paint up your faces
You reds and you pales
Put on your beaded goods
We're gonna do the woods
Tap-dance up the hills and down the dales
(à la Harry Richman)
Remember thum day
This all will be mirth (yeth thir!)
Right here on Broadway
Corner fifty firth (yeth thir!)
You'll be a vital part
Of all the terribly smart set
In your top hat, white feather, and tails
Dance up to your penthouse
And look at the view
Mix with the show folk
On Park Avenue (yeth thir!)
So gay and so aloof
Name-dropping on the rooftop
Drinking champagne by the pails...
In your top hat, white feather, and tails!
Salesman: Yes, sir-considering they were tap dancing on dirt, too.
Tishman: I’m gonna see you around.
Salesman: Now wait aminute! Make it $25 even, we’ll toss in the Bronx.
Tishman: Couldn’t possibly see my way clear.
White Cloud: We’ll throw in Staten Island.
Salesman: You hear that? Is that a generous Indian? You’ll have Manhattan, the Bronx, and Staten Island, too! (phone rings) Hello? Yeah, ****-we use any more, we’ll have to pay a royalty, huh? Okay, sweetie, we’ll knock it off. Right. Okay, yeah, okay…
Tishman: I’ll give you 24 dollars.
Salesman: Sold! But none of that cash stuff. The chief’s wife wants strictly junk jewelry.
White Cloud: Mmm. Baubles, bangles, bright shiny beads…
Salesman: Yeah, hold it, willya, baby? You’re laying yourself wide open for another phone call.
Tishman: Okay, it’s a deal. Here you go. (sound of jewelry) You’re lucky the price wasn’t no higher-I never carry more than 24 dollars in junk jewelry.
White Cloud: Mmm. Nice quality. Wife flip.
Salesman: Alright, men-pack up those trees and let’s get out of here.
Tishman: What?
Salesman: Strike the forest!
Tishman: Wait a second-where are you going with my trees?
Salesman: What do you think, you bought a furnished island?
Tishman: You mean all of those trees was in pots?
White Cloud: Heh, heh. Laugh on you-whole island solid concrete. Heh, heh. Nothing grow except in little square place in middle of island.
Tishman: But how am I gonna get people to live on a solid concrete island?
White Cloud: Who would want to? Nice place to visit, but…
All together: ….you wouldn’t want to live here.
Salesman: Nah.
Tishman: I guess you’re right.
Stan Freberg presents
The History of the United States of America
Vol.1
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Capital? I was under the impression New York City was once called New Amsterdam. NYC isn't even the capital of New York state.
Oh, I don't doubt it, but much like Americans seem to think Brussels is the capital of ''m all, some Europeans seem to think so is NY for the USA. It's bloody big so I can see where they're coming from with it.
Some Americans are dumb, but not all. Of course, I own neither a gun nor a cowboy hat, so by European standards I'm probably not considered an American.
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Well I don't wear wooden clogs. They're terrible if you try to cycle with them.
I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations, but also how the hell did he free himself from that rug?
